Life of Celibacy | Fozzy the Basset HoundFozzy

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Today’s Joke:

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men.

“Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,

“Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

***************

Fozzy the Basset Hound

 


















Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com
http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)

Get Me My Red Shirt Joke | Green Rexy Drawing

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Today’s Joke:

There once was a captain who captained a ship that controlled the WHOLE Gulf of Mexico. One day, the captain saw a ship coming toward them. He told his first mate, "Get me my red shirt!" The mate did as he was told and brought the captain his shirt. The captain put the shirt on, and fought the battle. The captain’s ship won, and the other ship retreated. The captain of the ship gave the first mate the shirt back to put in safe keeping.

The next day, the Captain saw TWO ships coming. He said, " First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The mate once again brought the shirt, and the captain put it on and won the battle. The day after that, the captain saw five ships coming toward them. The captain ordered for his red shirt, and he won the battle.

After the battle with the seven ships, the First mate was amazed. " Captain, is that a magical red shirt you are wearing? Every time you have worn it, we have won our battles!" The captain replied "no, I wear the red shirt so that if I get wounded, none of our crew will see any blood. If they saw that their captain was hurt, they would not fight as valiantly as they would, because they were afraid." "aahh that makes sense" the mate replied.

A week later, the captain saw 50 ships coming toward them. The first mate asked the captain if he wanted his red shirt, but the captain said " NO, get me my brown pants."

*********

 
 
















***************


Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com
http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)

Elephant Joke Video | Corgi drawing | Trip to the Dog Park

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog
Today’s Joke:

Today’s joke is a video of myself and friend, Donald Antoncich telling the elephant joke. 

 

 

*********

  

















***************

Trip to the Dog Park

I find great joy and inspiration every time I go to the dog park.  Here's a few photos from recent trips:

*****************

Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com
http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)

Smart Kid Joke | The Eyes Have it | Golden Retreiver in Car | White Lab with Purple Nose

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog
Today’s Joke:

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9." 

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong...

*********

***************

Coming home the other day I was spotted by a Golden Retriever while I was waiting at the stop light. I think he saw my Dog Freak magnet on my car. Reminded me of the blog I posted earlier of photos of dogs in cars.

*******************

********************
Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com
http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)

Young Man goes to buy Condoms | Dinner with a Friend Video | I'm Going Nuts

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Today’s Joke:

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”

He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”

*********
Dinner with a Friend Video
My friend David sent me this humorous link from YouTube…Funny in any language!

***************
 

 ****************

Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com
http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)