There are many businesses that are home to resident cats.
One particular bar in our neighborhood has a very well-groomed resident cat who
is quite friendly. In fact, the owner has a rule that no customer may order a
drink without having the kitty sit in his lap and groom herself for a while. He
wants to be sure that all his customers can hold their licker.
****
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.
Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion
of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts.
All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.
Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks
in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.
Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use
the FORKS, Luke."
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Chef Chien by Rick Gardner
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Here are some recent pictures of Kacy and Cali, our two rescue dogs. As my wife likes to say, this has been the year of the dog...Our addition of Cali and my drawing dogs and selling my dog artwork. These pups have been inspirational.
Last night I dreamed that I ate a 5 pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my
pillow was gone!
Thanksgiving PUNishment
Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested – he was charged with battery.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
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A retired man who volunteers to
entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in
Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some
funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished he said, in
farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied,
"I hope you get better, too."
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Mark Bell and I have now done a few pet adoption and craft fairs with our latest and greatest dog art and woodcarvings. Here is a few highlight pictures from a pet adoption event last weekend. Be sure to check out Mark Bell's Etsy site for all the latest and greatest dog art and woodcarvings!
Wake County Animal Shelter Adoption Event
Dexter
Sit Means Sit Dog Training
Sit Means Sit Demo
If you are looking for a new pet, please consider a rescue from your local animal shelter, SPCA or rescue group. As the saying goes... Find your new best friend.
A red boat and blue boat crashed
into each other on the ocean. All the passengers were marooned.
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A man walks into a health-food restaurant after a day at the office, sits
down, and orders a nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies.
He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter by the cash
register while he's waiting for his order, and as he starts to chew he hears a
voice say, "That's a beautiful tie. Is that silk? Very NICE choice!"
Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't
see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a
few more peanuts into his mouth.
Next he hears a voice, "Those shoes are stylin,' my man. Are they
Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously
around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.
A little weirded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the
voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very
nice!"
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing
these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look. What's up
with that? Am I going CRAZY?"
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies, "those are just the
peanuts."
"The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside
him.
"Yes," replies the waiter, "they're complimentary!"
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There I was, sitting at the bar
staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me,
grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about
it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker
says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my
life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my
boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen
and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home, there
I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work
up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and
sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole
thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"
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See Spot Read at Wake County Library
Wake County libraries have a program called "SEE SPOT READ" where volunteers bring in therapy dogs for all ages and all level of readers to read to.
Vicky Horton and her dog Cassidy
The program seems to be an overall success with a constant line children with their parents waiting to read to each of the dogs. As Vicky mentions, in the above video, the dogs don't judge and this makes it easier for the children to read out loud.
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If you haven't checked out Mark Bell's Etsy website out, now is the time. We had several ornaments and some of Mark's original carvings left over from last weekend's Roxboro Holiday Extravaganza.
A pastor awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had
no idea how it got there but knew he had to get rid of it. He called the
sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but
no one seemed able to help him.
In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what could be
done.
The mayor must have been having a bad day. "Why bother me?" he
asked. "You're a preacher; it's your job to bury the dead."
The pastor lost his cool, "Yes," he snapped, "but I thought I
should at least notify the next of kin."
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A french fry walks into the bar and
says to the bartender "Hey! Could I get a beer please" The
bartender looks at him shaking his head and says "No, we don't serve fast food
here."
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There is a very cool and fun website call PhotoFunia where you can paste photos and it creates billboard and other custom photos for you. Check it out at:
This weekend, Mark Bell and I will be at the Roxboro Holiday Extravaganza selling Lazy Dog art, wood carvings, t-shirts, stickers and buttons. Event goes from 9 AM - 3 PM. Stop by if you are in the area.
