Kong | Hamster Joke | Remain Calm Shirts | Molson Block Prints

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Kong

Today’s Jokes:

Time flies like an arrow…
Fruit flies like bananas

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A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it.

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me isn’t risqué."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Scott Joplin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly great on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Nope," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

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The new shirts and stickers are in! Remain Calm Adopt a Dog with Golden on them.

If you would like to order one, check out our Etsy page at:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/ShopBinkyandBell

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New Molson Block Print

Molson Block for Printing

Golden Molson

Orange Molson

Pink Molson

Multi Colored Molson

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Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick
apexgardner@gmail.com

http://apexlazydogblog.blogspot.com/

http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)
www.linkedin.com/in/rickgardnernc/

Easter Bunny Red Dog | Went to the Zoo and Aquarium Jokes | Ruckus Pizza in Cary | Homer's Sunrise

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Today’s Jokes:

I went to the zoo the other day.  They only had one animal.

It was a Tzu

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I went to the aquarium the next day. They only had one type of fish.
It was a Crappie aquarium.
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Why doesn’t it rain inside barns?
Because it’s a stable environment.
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What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A best friend you can count on!
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Mark and I are excited to announce that our work is now on display at Ruckus Pizza in Cary!
We plan to have our work up through the rest of this month, so be sure to stop by and check out “In God We Trust”, “Briefcase Dog”, and “Noah’s Bark” all on display near the front doorway under the neon palm tree.

Ruckus Pizza - Cary, NC

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Here is a new piece we call “Homer’s Sunrise” that features a shadow box frame with a sunrise photo with a miniature picture of Homer the Basset hound.

Homer's Sunrise

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Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick
apexgardner@gmail.com

http://apexlazydogblog.blogspot.com/

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ShopBinkyandBell

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)
www.linkedin.com/in/rickgardnernc/

Astro | Hearing Aid Joke | Puns

Today’s Jokes:

Melvin realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.

"How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.

"That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," said Melvin the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Melvin' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" asked Melvin.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

 

Astro (black & white)

 

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Did you know…

• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
• The batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
• Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

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Astro (Color)

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Homer

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Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com

http://apexlazydogblog.blogspot.com/

http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)
www.linkedin.com/in/rickgardnernc/

Bar Cat and Chinese Restaurant Joke | Chef Chien | Freshpet Holiday Video

Today’s Jokes:

There are many businesses that are home to resident cats. One particular bar in our neighborhood has a very well-groomed resident cat who is quite friendly. In fact, the owner has a rule that no customer may order a drink without having the kitty sit in his lap and groom herself for a while. He wants to be sure that all his customers can hold their licker.

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Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.

Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke."

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Chef Chien by Rick Gardner

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Here are some recent pictures of Kacy and Cali, our two rescue dogs. As my wife likes to say, this has been the year of the dog...Our addition of Cali and my drawing dogs and selling my dog artwork.  These pups have been inspirational.

Kacy and Cali

Kacy

Cali sleeping

Getting ready for the park

Living the Golden Life by Rick Gardner

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Holiday Pet Video from Freshpet

Very cute and funny holiday pet video from Freshpet! Thirteen dogs and one cat eating with human hands.

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Merry Christmas!Happy Holidays! Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com

http://apexlazydogblog.blogspot.com/

http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)
www.linkedin.com/in/rickgardnernc/

Marshmallow Joke | Thanksgiving PUNishment | Wake County Animal Shelter Adoption Event

Remain Calm Adopt a Dog

Today’s Jokes:

Last night I dreamed that I ate a 5 pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone!

Thanksgiving PUNishment
Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested – he was charged with battery.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

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Mark Bell and I have now done a few pet adoption and craft fairs with our latest and greatest dog art and woodcarvings.  Here is a few highlight pictures from a pet adoption event last weekend. Be sure to check out Mark Bell's Etsy site for all the latest and greatest dog art and woodcarvings!

Wake County Animal Shelter Adoption Event

Dexter

Sit Means Sit Dog Training

Sit Means Sit Demo

If you are looking for a new pet, please consider a rescue from your local animal shelter, SPCA or rescue group. As the saying goes... Find your new best friend.

Wake County Animal Shelter Website

 

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Please check out my sponsors links and thanks for checking out my blog, Remain Calm Adopt a Dog.

Rick

apexgardner@gmail.com

http://apexlazydogblog.blogspot.com/

http://apexgardner.deviantart.com/ 

http://greenlivingisthelifeforme.blogspot.com/ 

@apexgardner (twitter)
www.linkedin.com/in/rickgardnernc/